Should = Arguing with Reality = Suffering
“Don’t should on yourself.”
I should be different than I am. I should have known better. I should have behaved differently than I did. They should know better. That situation should be different than it is. The world should be different than it is. What do these statements have in common? They all deny the current state of reality. They all come from the ego mind which thinks it knows how reality should be and this ain’t it!
At the heart of this is the same truth being rejected over and over: what it is is, this is what it is. Period. If we accepted that—really accepted it—we’d find ourselves more at peace and more receptive to the deeper wisdom of the Self. From that place, the next step becomes clear. But most people never get there because they are too busy arguing with reality. Listen to conversations around you, including your own, and you’ll quickly see how much time is spent constructing, defending, and emotionally charging these shoulds.
Fighting with reality is a major source of suffering.
And the author of all this? The ego mind. It’s one thing if all it did was complain, but it is more insidious than that. This thought pattern generates anxiety. It broadcasts a constant message that things are not okay the way they are, which drives the felt need to manipulate and control circumstances. No wonder anxiety is epidemic—it’s self-created.
I can hear the objection: “So I’m just supposed to be complacent and let reality walk all over me?”
Here’s the thing… how many times have you successfully reshaped reality in a way that created lasting contentment? Let’s be honest: never. Even when you make a change that temporarily relieves the inner tension, it doesn’t last. Why? Because the ego simply moves the goalpost. It has no interest in peace; it requires discontent to stay relevant. If you’re not convinced, look at the state of the world—it’s an endless argument about how things “should” be different.
If you want to live from inner peace, stop investing in shoulds. Devalue them. Pull the plug the moment you notice your mind heading down that rabbit hole. There is no peace in shoulds. And there are no solutions there either.
The moment you stop believing your shoulds, reality stops being the enemy. (By the way, it never was.) What remains is what actually is—and from that ground, genuine intelligence can move. Not the anxious manipulation of the ego, but the deeper responsiveness of the Self that isn’t threatened by the present moment.
This is the opposite of passivity. When you stop fighting with reality, you finally have the bandwidth to respond to it cleanly. You see what’s actually needed, not what your conditioning insists “should” be happening.
At some point, every path of awakening comes down to this choice:
Do I side with the ego’s argument with reality, or with reality itself?
One leads to endless suffering.
The other leads to clarity, peace, and aligned action.
The ego will keep selling you the same deal:
“Argue with life now and you’ll finally get peace later.”
It’s never delivered on that promise—not once in human history.
The way out is so simple:
Stop taking the bait.
The moment you notice a should, call it out.
See it for what it is: the reflex of a mind terrified of losing control.
Then drop it. Mid-sentence if necessary.
What’s left is reality—unfiltered, unresisted, and infinitely easier to navigate than the fantasy the ego keeps manufacturing.
Your life doesn’t get better when things go your way.
Your life gets better when you stop arguing with the way things are.
🙏 🙌 🕉
Eric